It was the night before Christmas, when all through the abode

only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.

The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,

while visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.

The dad was snoring in front of the TV,

with a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.

So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,

which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"

With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,

she descended the stairs, and saw the old man.

He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.

"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."

"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."

"Your gift was especially difficult to make."

"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."

"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."

"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?

Run along, Santa, I've no time for chitchat."

The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,

same double chin. "She'll cook, she'll dust, "

she'll mop every mess. You'll relax, take it easy,

watch The Young & the Restless." "Fantastic!" the mom cheered.

"My dream come true! "I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night through! "

From the room above, the youngest began to fret.

"Mommy?! I scared... and I'm wet."

The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."

"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."

The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,

as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.

"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."

The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."

The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. "

That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."

Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "

Only one loving mother, is needed here."

The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.

"Thank you, Santa, " for clearing my head.

I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,

when they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime.

Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."

With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight.

Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right."

Holidays are special

spent with those we love

A time to say a special thanks

To the one above

To thank Him for our family

And our special friends

And then we pause a little while

Just to start again

God, thank you for my "puter"

And the friends I've come to love

I know they are a special gift

Sent from up above

I don't know how they do it

But they always make my day

When life seems so very bad

They know just what to say

So in this special season

Make me take the time to say

Happy Holidays to all my friends

Who live so far away

Happy Holidays to my special "puter" friend.

May God bless you during this wonderful season.

The Month After Christmas

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house

Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.

The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste

At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.

When I got on the scales there arose such a number!

When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).

I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;

The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,

The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese

And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."

As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt

And prepared once again to do battle with dirt---

I said to myself, as I only can "You can't spend a winter disguised as a man!"

So--away with the last of the sour cream dip,

Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip

Every last bit of food that I like must be banished

"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.

I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.

I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.

I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,

I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.

I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore---

But isn't that what January is for?

Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.

Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!